I could barely breathe. I couldn't even blink.
Fifty-six years of "what if," and here it was, thin and dying in a hospital bed, asking me the one question I'd never let myself imagine.
A voice in my head that sounded exactly like Raymond hissed, "Foolish old woman, don't you dare!"
And another voice, the one I'd silenced at 17, said, "Say yes! For once in your life, say yes!"
"I've loved you my entire life."
Thomas had stage 4 cancer. I decided I would grant his final wish.
"Yes," I whispered. "Thomas, yes."
His eyes filled with tears. So did mine.
"You won't regret it," he said. "I promise you that, Nancy. On my life, you won't regret it."
I didn't understand then why he'd said it like that, like a vow that meant more than the wedding itself.
I only understood I'd just agreed to marry a dying man; my hands wouldn't stop shaking, and somewhere across town, Raymond was probably already dialing my number.
I would grant his final wish.
***
The wedding took place three days later, right there in Thomas's hospital room.
A nurse stood as our witness, and so did a quiet man in a gray suit who introduced himself as Walter, Thomas's attorney.
I thought it was a little odd to have a lawyer at a bedside wedding. But my high school sweetheart squeezed my hand, and I let the thought go.
His eyes shone when he said his vows. Mine did too.
I thought it was a little odd.
***
After the small ceremony, Walter pulled a folder from his briefcase and set it on the rolling tray table.
"Just a few papers, Nancy," he said kindly. "Standard things. Take your time."
I didn't take my time. I signed each one right where he pointed, trusting Thomas the way you trust the sun to come up.
***
That evening, my phone rang. Raymond again.
"Have you lost your mind?!" he snapped when I told him about the marriage. "Marrying a dying man you barely know?!"
"Take your time."
"I've known him longer than I've known you," I said quietly.
"Nancy, listen to me. You're being manipulated. Some stranger sees an old nurse with a pension and dangles a sob story, and you fall for it? Annul it! Today!"
"No, I won't."
"You foolish woman! You don't understand what you're doing!"
I hung up.
"You're being manipulated."
***
A month later, Thomas was gone.
